Why Young People Aren’t Getting Married (And What We Can Do About It in Tennessee)

Most young adults still say they want to get married someday. Surveys put that number between 70 and 90 percent. Yet the median age at first marriage has climbed into the late 20s nationwide, and a record share of 40-year-olds have never married.

Tennessee is not immune. The state’s median age at first marriage is now nearly 28 (about 28.7 for men and 27.1 for women). In Putnam County, only about half of adults are currently married, and the share drops sharply among those in their 20s and early 30s. The desire for marriage remains. The path to it has grown longer and more uncertain.

Here’s what the data shows about the biggest reasons young people give for delaying or avoiding marriage and what that looks like on the ground in places like the Upper Cumberland.

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This remains the most frequently cited reason. Multiple Institute for Family Studies surveys find 44–58 percent of unmarried adults saying the primary obstacle is simply finding someone they consider marriage material.

High standards, the “soulmate” ideal, dating apps, and geographic scattering for school and jobs all play a role. In a growing college town like Cookeville, young people come and go. Fewer organic settings (stable church communities, extended family networks, and neighborhood life) reliably produce lasting relationships the way they once did.

Many young adults now treat marriage as a capstone, something pursued only after education, career stability, and financial independence are secured rather than a cornerstone of adult life.

Student debt, rising housing costs, and the perceived expense of a wedding weigh heavily. In Tennessee, home prices and values have grown significantly faster than incomes over the past decade. The result is that more young adults stay longer in their parents’ homes or delay forming their own households. Men without stable, decent-paying work face a particularly thin marriage market, because many women still prefer a partner who can provide economic stability.

Roughly one-third of unmarried adults report they simply don’t feel ready. Personal growth, career focus, and independence rank higher for many. A significant share also say they have “other priorities in life that are more important than marriage.”

Growing numbers no longer see marriage as necessary for a committed relationship or for raising children. Cohabitation is widely accepted, social pressure has declined, and formal commitment is often viewed as optional rather than foundational.

A meaningful portion cite the risk of divorce, often shaped by watching their parents’ marriages fail or by cultural messaging that treats lifelong commitment as fragile.

These national patterns show up locally, but Tennessee still has advantages. Stronger church attendance, a more family-oriented culture in many communities, and lower housing costs relative to coastal cities create opportunities that do not exist everywhere. The challenge is that even here, the same cultural scripts of delay, maximize options, and wait until everything is “settled” are taking root among the young.

In the Upper Cumberland, the combination of a growing college population, rising housing costs, and the mobility of young workers means many never put down the relational roots that lead to marriage. Churches and community institutions that once naturally connected young men and women are thinner than they used to be.

Lament is easy. Building is harder and much more necessary. Here are concrete steps that fit the scale of local churches, families, and organizations like Kairos Christian Alliance:

Recover the cornerstone view of marriage.
Marriage is not the prize at the end of a successful independent life. It is one of the primary ways God forms us into adults who can love, sacrifice, and build something lasting. Churches and parents should teach this explicitly rather than defaulting to the cultural timeline that prioritizes career and self first.

Create better environments for meeting and knowing each other.
Young people struggle to find the right person partly because the old pathways have eroded. Intentional, multi-generational church community, shared service projects, small groups that mix single and married adults, and regular social events that are not dating-focused but relationship-building can help. Matchmaking does not have to be awkward when it grows out of real community.

Address the economic barriers without making marriage contingent on them.
Financial pressure is real. Local efforts that expand trade and technical training, support young men into stable work, teach practical financial stewardship, and encourage modest, affordable weddings matter. Tennessee already offers a significant discount on marriage licenses for couples who complete premarital counseling and churches should lean into that and make high-quality, biblically grounded preparation the norm.

Push back culturally.
Celebrate marriage publicly. Tell stories of ordinary couples who married in their mid-20s and built good lives. Refuse the narrative that early marriage is inherently risky or immature. Counter the fear of divorce with the truth that the best predictor of marital success is not perfect readiness but mutual commitment, shared faith, and the willingness to grow together.

Start with the local church and family.
Parents, pastors, and older couples have more influence than they realize. Hosting young adults in homes, inviting them into family life, offering mentoring, and simply creating space where single men and women regularly interact in healthy settings is one of the most practical things a community can do.

The data does not show that young people have rejected marriage. It shows they have absorbed a different sequence and a different set of expectations. In Tennessee we still have the cultural and relational raw materials to push back. The question is whether we will use them.

Marriage remains one of the best gifts God gives for human flourishing. Helping the next generation receive it earlier and more confidently is not nostalgia, it is stewardship.

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